I have no idea if anyone will read these besides me, now or ever, but it's easier to put pen to paper (metaphorically) if I pretend no one is ever going to see this blog.
With that said, it's also easier for me to pretend that I'm talking to someone, anyone, so I don't feel like I'm chatting with myself and inevitably growing closer to some sort of insanity.
It never ceases to amaze me how busy I can feel during the summer up until the moment of boredom. When that time comes it washes over me like an angry, bitter wave and stays way past high tide. Inevitably, when those days creep up on me, everyone is busy or not answering their phones. My books don't hold my attention like they should (or I wish they would), and schoolwork is something I need to do but can't bring myself to sit down and do.
I had my date with IJH (we'll just refer to him by his initials for privacy reasons). It went well, and he's so sweet, but I felt like an idiot at the beginning of the date and felt myself doing the knit-picky thing I tend to do with anyone. Does anyone else seem to have this impossible list of things? He meets so many of them and the things I've found off are so minute that they shouldn't even matter.
Like, his voice. It's adorable. It's deep, and I love that, but it's got this odd edge to it? I think he just didn't sound like I EXPECTED him to sound, and it threw me off. I stopped noticing it after about five minutes.
I feel insane for noticing these kind of things. They don't even bother me, not really, but they're little things you notice on a first date that you're not quite sure what to do about.
"What if I never let you in?"
"What if your eyes close before mine?"
In addition to boredom, my eardrums have decided they're only satisfied with sad, depressing acoustic music. I haven't heard anything quite as down as an acoustic, slow rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."
I'm becoming more and more conscious of the time I spend on Facebook and other social media. Refreshing, refreshing, refreshing the page for a hope to see something I haven't seen on any other page, just a glimpse at something new.
Why? It seems so counterproductive, to sit in front of that screen and wait for the newness to be created for me. Why can't I create? Why can't I tear myself away?
I have books sitting on my shelves, five feet away, that are begging to be read and sobbing when I ignore them everyday but I'm cruel and I don't care.
Maybe I'll find myself in one of those pages someday soon.
Until next time, enjoy my ranting.
E xxx
