Miles To Go Before I Sleep

IJH is all that I could ask for in a boyfriend. I can't put it more simply than that, or express myself any clearer. I absolutely, positively, and completely HATE that he lives an hour away. I shouldn't even complain, because that's not that far, but with our busy schedules we're lucky to see each other twice a week. He's miles and miles and miles away when all I want is for him to be right beside me. It's selfish, but selfishness isn't a bad thing all the time.

In other news, I'm moving into my apartment this week with my best friend. She and I are super excited to have a place to call our own, and I'm beyond happy to have a sanctuary away from my family that is mine year-round. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to pieces, but they drive me completely batty sometimes.

I'm nervous about being on my own for the first time. Am I going to be able to budget well? Am I going to be able to cook for myself all the time and take care of everything? Will V (my roommate) and I get along well enough to live together, just the two of us?

It's all so much to take in, but I won't know what's going to happen until I get settled.

Hopefully the change of scenery will inspire my writing and reading more. It's not that I don't have good intentions to read (or write), but something seems to constantly come up or distract me. I have to get more serious if I'm going to get into grad school. I don't even want to think about everything I have to do between now and grad school, and what that's going to mean for my personal life. There's so much that can happen between then and now.

I told IJH that I would share one of my poems with him last night, and I haven't sent it yet. I'm worried he'll think it's about him and not just inspired by his presence in my life. I guess once it's online I can't take it back and that will force me to show it to him. Somehow. Maybe I just want to show off my writing.

snickerdoodle

You had cinnamon on the bottoms

of your feet, the same ones

that curled next to mine,

and you stomped across the carpet.

damnit, that’s new, I said

and you shook your head,

ran short fingers through

my favorite blond hair,

and washed your feet before bed.

I was sitting on the carpet

in the living room, last night,

and I could feel the cinnamon

still embedded

in the fibers,

itching my legs.

I crawled into bed,

coated in cinnamon,

and pretended that was close

enough.

It's alright, I guess. I wish it read a little bit better, but that's what editing and revisions are for. Right now, it gets the point across. I don't want him to leave, and I'm terrified of what will be left behind if he does. 

Enjoy the bad poetry until next time,

xoxo E.

Bake Away the Day

So, IJH and I are dating now. It's FBO (that's Facebook officially, y'all) and everything. It's definitely added a new element to my life, and all of the silly concerns I had roughly a month ago have flown out of my mind. It's been a fantastic month, getting to know him, and I'm excited (and, of course, nervous) to see where it takes us.

It's had an interesting side effect, though. I've been baking at least once, if not twice, a day for the past week or so. It all began when I made snicker doodles and mint chocolate chip cookies in preparation for our third date. It was a picnic, and yes, it was everything I hoped and wanted.

Contrary to the title, IJH isn't stressing me at all, but I think the convergence of a new relationship with the end of one of my hardest summer classes put my brain in overdrive. How do I compensate?

Baking.

So far, there's been three or so batches of snicker doodles, one batch of mint chocolate chip cookies (complete with a Yoda-shaped cut out for IJH), a dozen almond and vanilla scones, a failed batch of red (green because of my lack of red food dye) velvet cookies, and then tonights creation:

Butterless Sugar Cookies with a Chai-Inspired Sprinkle

I took the recipe from this blogger after a Google search for simple sugar cookie recipes with no butter. I ran out last night after the failed green velvet cookies, but felt compelled to try something new again tonight. 

I set the oven for 375 instead of 400, so I didn't run the risk of burning the bottoms without cooking the insides, and baked them for about 10 minutes. It'll be between 9 and 12 depending on what kind of oven you have. 

Also, I used Bourbon Madagascar Vanilla extract instead of regular vanilla extract, and made the Chai-Inspired Sprinkle myself. Here's the recipe:

Chai-Inspired Sprinkle

1 tbsp white granulated sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon

1/2 tbsp all spice 

That's it! Sprinkle it on your cookies after they're into balls on the cookie sheet, then pop it in the oven. 

These cookies turned out to be fantastic, perfect to have with milk, tea, or your beverage of choice during an afternoon tea time. In addition, it turned out to be a recipe I didn't need my standing mixer for, instead mixing by hand, and I would recommend everyone else try the same if they have time. It's incredibly therapeutic, especially when you've had a stressful (read: semi-bad grade) day and need to make something with your own hands.

I'll probably make these again for my granddad (henceforth referred to as Star Player) at some point, once he's off his diet. Right now he's still valiantly resisting the scones from the other night even when I catch him staring at them longingly.

You know what else the baking started? Writing. Last night I sat down and pushed out two poems, both titled with cookie names, and they're actually decent. I usually have a love/hate relationship with my writing, but they're pretty decent. Maybe I'll release a cookbook/poetry book combo one of these days.

Until next time, enjoy the recipe.

E xxx

Summer of Change

I have no idea if anyone will read these besides me, now or ever, but it's easier to put pen to paper (metaphorically) if I pretend no one is ever going to see this blog.

With that said, it's also easier for me to pretend that I'm talking to someone, anyone, so I don't feel like I'm chatting with myself and inevitably growing closer to some sort of insanity.

It never ceases to amaze me how busy I can feel during the summer up until the moment of boredom. When that time comes it washes over me like an angry, bitter wave and stays way past high tide. Inevitably, when those days creep up on me, everyone is busy or not answering their phones. My books don't hold my attention like they should (or I wish they would), and schoolwork is something I need to do but can't bring myself to sit down and do.

I had my date with IJH (we'll just refer to him by his initials for privacy reasons). It went well, and he's so sweet, but I felt like an idiot at the beginning of the date and felt myself doing the knit-picky thing I tend to do with anyone. Does anyone else seem to have this impossible list of things? He meets so many of them and the things I've found off are so minute that they shouldn't even matter.

Like, his voice. It's adorable. It's deep, and I love that, but it's got this odd edge to it? I think he just didn't sound like I EXPECTED him to sound, and it threw me off. I stopped noticing it after about five minutes.

I feel insane for noticing these kind of things. They don't even bother me, not really, but they're little things you notice on a first date that you're not quite sure what to do about.

"What if I never let you in?"

"What if your eyes close before mine?"

In addition to boredom, my eardrums have decided they're only satisfied with sad, depressing acoustic music. I haven't heard anything quite as down as an acoustic, slow rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."

I'm becoming more and more conscious of the time I spend on Facebook and other social media. Refreshing, refreshing, refreshing the page for a hope to see something I haven't seen on any other page, just a glimpse at something new.

Why? It seems so counterproductive, to sit in front of that screen and wait for the newness to be created for me. Why can't I create? Why can't I tear myself away?

I have books sitting on my shelves, five feet away, that are begging to be read and sobbing when I ignore them everyday but I'm cruel and I don't care.

Maybe I'll find myself in one of those pages someday soon.

Until next time, enjoy my ranting.

E xxx